So it begins today. I’m still hammering out the details of
my revolution, but I do know that the first of it is happiness.
Happiness is something that much like my weight loss is something
that I struggle with. In fact, I’m positive that my unhappiness is directly
linked to my being overweight. I’ll have pockets of it here and there, but it
never lasts.
The longest stretch of happiness I can remember was for
about two years, four months of that was when I first met my now husband the
rest of it was when I was basically a non-traditional college student at age 21
(it doesn’t seem like it, but it is non-traditional). I had big plans for my
future because I was kicking butt and taking names in college, owned a house
that my sister said she would buy from me, and was completely comfortable and
happy with who I was (well, for the most part, I had about ten pounds of tummy
I wanted to get rid of which I laugh about now). It was the only period in my
life since I was eleven that I hadn’t needed anti-depressants.
Then I got pregnant. I bawled when I found out, I don’t
think that he understood exactly why I was distraught. He might understand
better now, but I honestly doubt it. So, depression and pregnancy set in. I
took to eating and gained way too much weight. I asked about it and the doctors
shrugged it off, then the month that I hadn’t gained any weight they treated me
like I had committed a crime.
I had my daughter and between work, school and raising her I
had no time to worry about losing weight. I put everyone and everything ahead
of myself, and have continued to do that since.
So, over eight years have passed. I managed to graduate from
college but since I’ve had to move where his job took us it meant living in
small towns nowhere near places that would have jobs in my field. I ended up
settling for a job as a pharmacy clerk, which turned into pharmacy technician.
In 2011 I got hired at a major university hospital and thought that it was the
last place that I would ever work only to find out shortly after getting hired
that I was pregnant. When I was 35 weeks pregnant they fired me for failure to
meet expectations during my probationary period, without ever having ever
talked to me about my performance or given me any written warnings. To make
matters worse, after I had the baby and began looking for jobs I found out that
when potential employers contacted my former supervisor that she would not
recommend they pursue hiring me without giving them an explanation. So I have
trouble getting my heart into the idea of being a pharmacy technician again.
That doesn’t mean that I’m not still trying to get a job as one, I just haven’t
had any luck because ultimately the calls go to the supervisor.
But this is turning into a rambling. Overall, happiness is
my starting point, or at least doing something about my depression. For the
first time in almost two years I’m going to have decent insurance so I set up a
doctor appointment and will hopefully get something for the depression.
Unfortunately the appointment isn’t until the 22nd, but knowing I
have the appointment has eased my mind a bit. And at least this will give me a
chance to lose a few pounds so I’m not grimacing when I step on the scale at
the doctors’ office.
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