Is It Really Worth It

I've been driving myself a little more crazy lately wondering if how hard I work is really worth it. I'm not just patting myself on the back or boasting when I say that I work hard, because I do, and anyone I work with will say the same. The problem is that I don't get a whole lot of feedback from the people who matter regarding the work that I do. Sure my manager can thank me, but I don't hear anything from anyone higher up than her, and it wouldn't be too difficult to send me an email thanking me for my hard work. Although I did hear from my manager that the big boss is talking about giving me a chance at a job with more responsibility.

Which has me wondering if it would be worth it. I took my current promotion for two reasons, the first was that I wasn't getting paid what I was worth. It's hard to work as hard as I was and know that I wasn't getting paid anything remotely close to what I should be. To make me sound a little less arrogant would be to say that I was making the same amount of money as people who were a lot less productive than me. The other was that I knew it would be good to have supervisor experience on my resume, even if I got just six months of experience that would be far more than I previously had, and when a majority of the jobs that I had previously been interested in required at least six months of supervisor experience that told me a lot.

My husband graduates from college in May and hopefully he will find a position that pays well so I can possibly go back to a job I enjoy. As it stand all I can do is hope that all of what I'm currently dealing with is worth it, and that perhaps I'll be able to find a job that would utilize my talents without my having the fear that one day they will use the words assistant manager.

I don't think that it would be very professional to laugh hysterically at my bosses.

The Majority of Us May Be Zombies

Think about it for a minute, how often do we view news stories that are actually relevant to us. Why the hell do I know who Kim Kardashian is, or any of the Kardashians for that matter. I've never watched their show, and don't have any desire to watch it. Yet, I know who they are, I know that Kim named her latest offspring Saint, I even had a discussion with one of my co-workers about this. It could be argued that I know this because of Kanye, but I don't even listen to the radio anymore, much less his music, hell, I didn't even know who he was until his MTV/Taylor Swift stunt and the Jay Leno interview that followed.

I have no desire to vote for Donald Trump, I can't stand looking at him and hearing his voice, but I know who he is and what his latest controversial comment is. I also know that I would loathe the idea of him being president but because so many people are zombies they are going to vote for him because he's the one who is getting thrust upon us by the media.

That seems to be how we decide what we are or are not going to do these days. Whatever the media (including social media) feeds us, we decide that is what is most important in our lives. The majority of the public isn't going to look at the pros and cons of what having a man like Donald Trump is going to do to us, they just know that he isn't going to do any worse than the other people who are in office right now supposedly not getting anything done. I say supposedly because they may very well be getting a lot done, it's impossible to know because the news and social media are too busy writing stories about the Kardashians and Trump and that's what we're reading, whether we like it or not.

I wish I could say that this is my declaration to step away from Facebook and Twitter, or even away from any form of technology, but I'm just not willing to do that.

And therefore I have to admit I too am a zombie, I don't like it, and I'm not suggesting anyone go off the grid in order to avoid being a zombie, I just kind of hope that somehow being aware of it will help me delve deeper and find out information that is significant and makes me a little less than a zombie.

It Really Is About Boobs This Time

It's been a long time since I posted anything, which is mostly because I've been excruciatingly busy. I've got two jobs and have been working between 50 and 60 hours most weeks. It's tough, but it's what I've got to do right now. I'd like to think that it keeps me from going beyond the demure part of my insanity, but I may be going past that because of all the hours I work.

As for the boobs title, that's what I'm dealing with, and it seems that's all I've been posing about. Unfortunately the mammary glands seem to been the bane of my existence right now. Within the last few weeks I've had a bilateral MRI, two mammograms, an ultrasound, stereotactic (core) biopsy, and cellulitis on the side where I had my lumpectomy. It's to the point where my health care providers are encouraging mastectomy. That's not something that I want to hear at 33 (almost 34) years old. I always thought if I was going to get a boob job it wasn't going to be because they were being cut off first, but at this point that's what it may be.

There's a whole laundry list of reasons while I should and shouldn't do it, but really the reasons to get it done far outnumber the reasons not to get it done.

I have some time to think about it. Right now the cellulitis has the doctors baffled, I have to get over this problem with them before I can move on to the next.

Facing My Mortality

I've had a pretty rough year. And while there are many things that I could address, but much of it feels insignificant compared to the two brushes with my mortality.

At the end of July I found out I had breast cancer and had to go through the treatment process, while I was fortunate it was only early stages and didn't have to go through chemo it was still startling blow to my reality that at some point my body could betray me as it had already begun to do so. If I had not chosen to have the biopsy to remove the lump and just continued to get mammograms and ultrasounds every six months there is the strong possibility that it could have been a lot worse than it was.

Then there was the car accident, I was on my way to a job interview when the GPS took me down a back road on an icy day. The back wheels hit ice, I thought I'd be in a snow bank and nothing more, but I hit a driveway that sent the car rolling three times and it landed upside down. I had to roll the window up to open it and pull myself out. I walked away with cuts on my hands and body strains that have me in physical therapy.

The car was totaled, my mother-in-law saw it and couldn't believe that I had walked away from it.

It didn't help my depression at all, but it has set me forth to take care of many things that I've kind of been putting off. I took a job I didn't necessarily want to take, but it is time to get moving forward, and if I have to take a few steps back in order for that to happen so be it.

I'm fortunate to be alive and mostly healthy, it's time to live and be fully healthy.